Saturday, April 24, 2010

Let's spin the wheel!

I love election time. I really enjoy watching it all unfold in front of me. Don't you find it interesting how people come out of the woodwork at all sorts of events and gatherings, smiling at you like the village idiot, ready to be your best friend, joining up and volunteering for every single thing they can just for the opportunity to network. These are the candidates I refer to as "Opportunists R Us" and you damn well know who you are. They literally turn an election campaign into a speed dating scenario with a timer. Ding, ding, ding! Hi,I'm ------ (insert phony smile and laugh). Oh by the way, did I mention that I'm running for office? How lovely to meet you. Here's my card. Let's do lunch. I'd love to hear your concerns about the community. Love the shoes. (insert more phony laughter) Ding, ding, ding. Rotate on to the next person. Do these people think that we are dumb as tree stumps?

So, let's see. We know who has signed on the dotted line and who's ready and willing to hang their asses out on the flag pole for a shot at a seat up on Old Church Rd. I'll get around to that crew later. For now I'd like to talk about what we don't know.

I'm wondering when our regional councillor is going to declare her intentions. The word on the wire says our little cupcake is gonna go for a mayoral run and she'll declare her intentions on May 5th. Yup, she's gonna go for the whole enchildas. It appears she is aspiring to be the Head Cheese, the Big Kahuna, her High Holiness. Does this mean if she wins I'm going to have to curtesy to her when I bump in to her at the grocery store? This begs to ask another question. Where does the money come from for a mayoral run? This is a really valid and important question. We are looking at a 6 month campaign and to have any sort of campaign with substance across Caledon, at the very, very least, you'd have to have $25K. Cha-ching. And that would be a low end campaign. I'm predicting fodder for some of my future writing endeavors on this topic.

So then what about Councillor Payne(Pain)? Inquiring minds have been punting this one about. He's been awfully quiet of late, maybe he's busy consulting God. Have you ever noticed that his lips don't even move when he speaks. (I'm betting that comment goes over most peoples heads!:) If the regional seat is up for grabs does it seem like the natural progression for J-Pain to go for it. I shudder at that thought. Hey, any guy who needs an explanation about bridge financing not actually being for bridges isn't any guy I want representing me at the region.

I couldn't help but to notice a letter in the paper this week chiding Enterprise columnist, Taylor (Hap) Parnaby about his take on campaign donations. Well lookey, lookey here, we've got Mark Pavillon's on the radar. Isn't this interesting. Could it be the former Caledon Citizen Editor might be making an end run for a spot on council as well? Oh the plot thickens. I love this stuff! Mark Pavillons could have a real shot at a legitimate run for council. He's well written and certainly knows what's going on in the community. Council could very well have it's first Star Trek fanatic on board. Beam him up Scotty!

Then I stumbled across a dude name Piotr Derus who had a Facebook page up with the title Bolton Councillor on it. WTF? I immediately messaged him. Well that was an interesting dialogue. The Facebook page has been altered with no sign of political titles so perhaps Piotr has had a change of heart.

And what of the Chamber Contessa, the Cruella DeVille of Caledon herself, the not so nice, Kelly Darnley? So much speculation. Will KD try her hand once again at trying to claim a seat at the council table or was one go around on the dizzying carousel of the last election enough of a bitter pill for her to swallow? Her growth agenda is pure vitriol and her latest behaviour is appalling. I ain't laying any bets on this call.

The next few weeks will prove to be very interesting. If anyone has serious intentions on taking their shot at making a run for office they have to come out of their proverbial closets or in some cases, crypts, soon. Oh by the way, I do welcome comments & clicks. However to the gentleman (and I use that term loosely in this instance) who referred to me a certain part of the female anatomy, that wasn't particularly clever. You did make me laugh though and it's always easy to hide behind anonymity which ultimately makes you a coward. Surely you can come up with a better four letter word that starts with C. I know that might present a challenge especially for a person whose knuckles, I'm fairly certain, are dragging on the ground.

Well I'm outta here for now. There are gardens to rake which makes for a pleasant change from raking over candidates. By the way anyone interested in joining me for a Cosmo or some other libation, drop me a note, the bar is open. Love to do cocktails with you!

Ta ta! Talk soon.

Postscript to this Blog: Thanks for the note Victoria Kaye. I love it when people threaten to report me as spam. Always nice to be compared to pressed meat in a can. As for being garbage, let me check my bluebox and my composter and I'll get back to you on that. :)


  1. Hey One trick Muffin Top.

    I ran into an old friend at zehrs the other day, she told me that you are working as an advocate in the mental health industry. Not only are you a good spokesperson but you are without a doubt your best client as well. The apple didn’t hall far from the tree for you did it when you had to find another job after the slap you laid on harker sent you to the streets.

    Your verbal diarrhea on the growth issue in Caledon specifically Bolton is ironic at best, weren’t you sitting on council when we lost at the OMB? If only you could have seen outside the box, maybe you were already being fitted for the little, no I shouldn't say little, I mean the white vest that now looks to be a shawl or one of your drapes.

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  3. Hey Joe....
    so easy to hide behind anonymity, isn't it. As for the Harker comment, that's about as stale as the bread in Zehr's. You need to learn to move on my friend. Goading me with that comment won't work. Of course one can't expect much less from the likes of yourself.

    That's right, I work in mental health and if you need a reference I'd be happy to help you out. As for the little white jackets, I much prefer something in off white and the designer cut of Marc Jacobs suits me to a tee. :)

    And speaking of tee... if you want to tee off on me, then I say bring it little man. Or should that read little, little man. :)

    Most sincerely,

    The girl in the little white jacket.

  4. Wasn't Mark Pavillons most recently working for that now-defunct Solmar propaganda rag, the "Caledon Perspectives"?

    And "Joe", since when is a woman who is being physically threatened not allowed to defend herself?