The Telephone is Ringing.....

These are the moments that I wished that I could insert sound bites to deliver the opening of the latest installment of coopSpeak. I often use caricatures and pictures, particularly of late a lot of pics of baked confectionery. But for this column, voice overs and some music would have truly have done it justice. So here's my screenwriters version of how this latest installment of my blog would sound like:

(Insert the theme music from The Twilight Zone) (Voice over by the late Rod Serling begins)

Imagine this....you are sitting in your home....enjoying your evening single malt scotch....and the phone rings....slowly you reach for the receiver only to find yourself transported to the Election Zone.....

I like to give my readers some choices so at this point I would direct you to now insert any one of the three following sound bites here because in my opinion they all would work:

1) Theme music from Jaws
2) Theme from The Godfather
3) The sound editing from the shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock's film, Psycho.

When it comes to telephone solicitation of any ilk I generally find that I have the attention and patience of a two year old. As soon as I hear "Good evening ma'am can I please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Cooper" or "You've just won a week in Florida..." or "Please hold for this important message..." my knee jerk reaction is ...bubbye....click. Well last week Caledon entered a whole new kind of surreal election zone when we received our very first pre-recorded "Vote for me" message. Or in this case it was more of a "Don't for vote for that person" message. Care to take a guess at what confectionery coated Developer's mayoral wannabe lined this 3 cents per call of silliness up? At first I thought it was a man's voice speaking until I listened more closely only to realize who was calling. It was a photoshopped voice, much like her Madame Tussad airbrushed pictures, but no question in my mind, it was definitely the wannabe mayor or as I often refer to her.....the "cupcake",.

This pre-recorded message had 30 seconds to grab my attention and win me over with a positive message about why I should support Candidate Groves for Mayor. The monotone, auto pilot message missed the bullseye by a Caledon mile. So let's look at why this telephone call campaign was such an epic failure and how it serves as just another reminder of why this little mayoral wannabe cupcake is all fake glitter and no true grit. If the Groves campaign had been smart they could have used this telephone ploy in a whole different manner than what they did. Instead they chose to make this whole message nothing but a bashing, bad mouthing, vulgar, ill natured tirade of nastiness and vitriol. Personally I thought the comment about the Mayor being cozy with the developers when it was convenient for her was flirting with slander. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

Is this how Annette Groves demonstrates the qualities of a leader by doing nothing but finding the fault in others? Benjamin Disraeli once said "How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." If this council is as screwed up she has inferred, then what does this also say about her? After all, our little Red Velvet cupcake, has just spent the last ten years of her political career sitting on her tushie up on Old Church Road. There's a decade we'll never get back for Bolton. What a waste of the taxpayers hard earned dollars.

Ms. Groves likes to portray herself as a rather ecumenical sort of councillor person. A decent, honest, respectful person. Uh huh. What ever happened to the "Judge not lest ye be judged yourself" thinking? Or the "Let those without sin cast the first stone" biblical reference. I know that reading isn't the forte of the Groves team so let me try this out with the Hooked on Phonics approach, say it slowly and phonetically....HIP-OOOOOOO-KRIT..... Maybe it'll sink in that way.

If you want to point out some real dysfunction then I say let's get the mirror out and start by having a really damn good look in it and see what reflects back at you. Mirror, mirror on the cupcake's wall....

Apparently, the mayoral wannabe put it like this in her message: "She fought hard against the punishing taxes imposed upon us by the Mayor...." The only punishment going on here is John Q. Taxpayer being subjected to these stupid phone solicitations. After I hung my phone up I just wanted to run to the bathroom and wash my hands, it felt all that grimy and slimy. This is the shape of the politics in her world. Now I know what it must feel like to be a fire hydrant when a dog lifts their leg on it.

Councillor Groves, my dictionary defines the word council as "a body of persons specially designated or selected to act in an advisory, administrative, or legislative capacity: the governor's council on housing." Taxes are not imposed upon the residents by one member of this council, in this case the Mayor as you keep alluding too. Don't think you are getting yourself off the hook with your slight of hand rhetoric about how you never voted in favour of the budgets. You don't get absolution for your sins with that ploy. This particular distasteful tact speaks volumes about Ms. Grove's lack of ethics for her oath of office,to her constituency, her lack of respect to this community, but most obviously to her inability to be a team player.

If you can't be a team player then most certainly you can't be a team leader.

This whole "I didn't vote in support of that" ploy that she loves to engage is nothing more than smoke and mirrors. While we are on the topic of smoke and mirrors let's talk about "getting cozy" with developers. Hmmmmm....lemme think here a minute, hypothetically speaking....would getting cozy with a developer also perhaps include showing up at lets say a very glitzy gala, all decked out in an evening gown, coiffed and covered in bling, on the arm of a man who isn't your husband but perhaps let's say.....a developer? Could this also be considered getting cozy? Or is that a different kind of cozy than you referred to in your telephone message of ignorance to the masses.

There was one thing that Ms. Groves did say in her message that made sense. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Now that is a sentiment I could really get behind. Enough is enough....of her, of this Vaughan like style of electioneering. Election day can't come quick enough for me.

I'm just going to close this blog with a small but symbolic tidbit of information that I just learned earlier today. Last Friday, Mr. Groves or as I affectionately refer to him,Mr. Clean, actually went out to the town of Caledon buildings and requested to see the Mayor's toilet. I'm not kidding you. He wanted to see her bathroom. Maybe he wanted to scrub out her toilet, after all, he is Mr. Clean. Or maybe he just wanted to sit on the throne. Who knows. But doesn't that just seem a little over the top and maybe even a little teeny tiny bit strange to anyone? Excuse me Madam Mayor but I'd like to see your crapper. I think, in a nut shell, that request is symbolic of this whole election.

Oh wait...one itsy bitsy last bit of street prattle...speaking of potties....the word on the street is that the Groves team along with some assistance at the Caledon Chamber Pot of Commerce has brought in some hired guns/lobbyists/strategic planning experts in election & political stuff to try and fix the leak on the toilet that has become the Groves campaign.

Don't you just love the sound of flushing toilets.